he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
