What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
