My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
