It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
