the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
