Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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