the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
