I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
