Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
