Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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