My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
