Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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