Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Every concussion has its silver lining
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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