told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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