Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
