My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
