He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
