So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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