Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
