Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
