oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
