Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
