my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
my liver is dry heaving
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
