PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
