Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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