the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
