Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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