i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
