I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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