My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
