Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
