my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
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