Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
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