omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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