That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
