So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
