just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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