nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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