So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
