Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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