and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
