apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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