If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
