She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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