before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
