The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I want to make a zoo with you.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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