My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
