worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
