need another drink. this is the easiest way
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
