I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
My cat gives me a boner
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
