so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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