carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Found the puke drawer
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
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