You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
