Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
