So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
