So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
