I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
well you can't waste a boner
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
