Apparently you make a good broom.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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