In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Blood and glitter go together right?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
