I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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