You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
