Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
i drank out of a bidet.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
