Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
