...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
