Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
