Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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