dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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