Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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