I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Randomize
